


Chamomile and Honey

by hrhiggy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders era, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1203181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hrhiggy/pseuds/hrhiggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the full moon, Sirius has taken to bringing Remus tea in the hospital wing late at night, keeping him company when he can't sleep after the change. Though their relationship has been changing lately, in ways both of them find hard to explain, this late night visit provides them with a place where they can finally talk about what they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chamomile and Honey

 Sirius gripped the tea tray in his hands tightly, watching as the tea in the red and gold cup taunted at the porcelain lip, daring to spill. Below him the staircase jilted to a stop, and he waited until the tea settled before he continued on his path. He reached the large hall that lead to the apothecary, the sound of his shoes on the stone floors echoing about the walls. It was dark, and he didn't have a spare hand to pull out his wand and light the way, so he relied on muscle memory. He'd taken this journey a few times already this year, ever since things between Remus and himself had shifted. Suddenly, just visiting Remus in the hospital wing after classes with his fellow marauders wasn't enough. If Sirius tried to stay in bed knowing that Remus was somewhere in the school, wide awake and aching, all he accomplished was keeping his roommates awake with his tossing and turning.

 

So instead Sirius had taken to visiting Remus at night. On the first night he had intended to just take a peek into Remus's quarters in the wing, but he hadn't even mustered the courage to open the door.

 

“Some Gryffindor.” He'd muttered to himself, sitting with his back against the dark wood of the hospital wing's heavy doors. “Can't even go inside and visit a sick mate.”

 

But, of course, visiting Remus was more than just visiting a sick friend. Remus was the first person who had seen Sirius as more than just a member of the Black family, before even James was able to get over Sirius's dark family origins. Remus was able to forgive Sirius's cursed blood, even when he wasn't able to forgive is own. Sirius was the only one of the marauders who could calm him down the day before a full moon, when Remus's bone and muscles were wound tight, shaking with internal pressure just waiting to explode and shatter him from the inside out. When Sirius laid a hand on the top of Remus's spine, just below one of his many scars, the trembling stilled, if only because all of Remus's energy was focused on holding in his shaky breath. Despite the state of uncertainty they'd hit, between their conflicted feelings for one another and the lack of a label for what they were to one another, Remus and Sirius never lost their connection. The air between the two wizards was charged with something, something real. More real than either of the two boys, more real than even magic. There weren't words yet for what Remus and Sirius were, but if Sirius had to choose, he would choose “real”. Really, really real.

 

Sirius reached the large wooden doors of the Hospital wing, and slowly he manoeuvred his way through the door and to the back of the wing without spilling much tea. What he did spill he wiped away with his Gryffindor tie, which happened to be an extra that he borrowed from James anyway.

 

“You awake?” he asked when he steps behind the curtain to Remus's section. The question is more of a formality than anything, he knew Remus would be awake, waiting for him.

 

“I'm never asleep the night after a full moon.” Remus said. He lit the bedside candle with his wand, and made room on the bed for the tea tray.

 

“You should be.” Sirius said, “Maybe then you wouldn't look like you got hit in the face with a quaffle. Honestly, Moony, I think the bags under your eyes are adorable but they can't be healthy.” Sirius set the tea tray on the bed and looked up at Remus. “How much honey do you take in your tea? I know you like it ridiculously sweet, but I don't know how sweet.” Sirius had tried to make the tea on his own in the kitchen, but no matter how much honey he added, it always just tasted like dirty water to him. Eventually, he just sweet-talked a house-elf into letting him take a small pot of honey up to Remus so that the werewolf could decide for himself just how sweet the dirty-water needed to be.

 

Remus smiled and looked at the set up on the tray. “Four tea-spoons, please.” He blushed, knowing how Sirius and the Marauders loved to tease him about his sweet-tooth.

 

Sirius only smiled at the honey fondly as he scooped the thick substance into the tea and mixed it slowly before handing it to Remus, who took it gratefully. “I almost didn't make it tonight, Evans caught me sneaking out of the dorms.”

 

Remus raised his eyebrows, “I'm surprised she let you leave, she's crazy about her prefect duties.” The sandy-haired teen took a long sip of his tea, the tension in his shoulders unravelling as the warm, sweet liquid worked it's way down his torso. Sirius smiled at the sight, glad to know his delivery was doing it's job.

 

“She almost sent me straight back up the stairs, but once I told her where I was going she let me by. She really is fond of you.” Sirius gave his signature mischievous smile, “Don't let James know how much she likes you, he'll have a conniption.”

 

Remus chuckled, and then faded into silence. For a moment, things were quiet between the two of them. Not an uncomfortable kind of silence, Sirius thought. It was as if the warmth from the beside candle had heated the air between them, permeating them both with the golden, flickering glow.

 

Then, in between the flickers of the candles, something new appeared on Remus's face. It was a kind of determination, as if a heavy decision had just been made.

 

“I think Lily knows.”

 

“About you?” Sirius asked, shocked. The marauders might be a reckless bunch, but they were never negligent with Remus's secret. They all knew what it could mean if anyone found out that Remus was a werewolf, and none of them would ever risk his life or their friendship like that. It meant far too much to them.

 

If the marauders were anything, they were expert secret keepers.

 

“About me,” Remus slowly moved his gaze from his tea to Sirius's eyes, holding his gaze steadily, “And about us. How I feel... about you.”

 

Remus watched Sirius's face closely, looking for any give to what might be going on behind his youthful features. Sirius, on the other hand, was frozen. This was the most concrete thing either of them had said about what was going on between them. It was impossible not to notice how things had changed between them, how the air between them was thick with what Sirius could still only describe as Real. Even the other marauders treated them differently, though Sirius didn't think that James or Peter were conscious of it. They always left a blank seat beside Sirius, knowing that Remus was the only one who could fill the space. If Sirius was locked away in the dorm because of something one of his cousins had said to him that day, it was understood that Remus should be the first one to go speak to him. Neither of them could deny that things between them were different, but neither of them had had the courage to call it anything but friendship. Until now.

 

Neither Sirius nor Remus moved for almost a full minute. Remus because he was trying not to throw up from the vertigo of finally admitting to his deepest (well, second deepest) secret. Sirius because he felt as though he'd just been smacked over the back of the head with a beaters bat.

 

Sirius licked his lips, and when he spoke his voice came out softly. “How could she... I mean...Do _we_ even know, for sure, what this is?”

 

Remus shrugged. “I don't know, but not talking about it is exhausting. I thought it would be easier just not to think about it, to not let myself complicate things, but it's just made everything heavier. It's like we're trying to keep a secret from ourselves. It's pointless.”

 

Remus was right. What was the point of this? If they both knew that there was something going on, what was the point of acting like there wasn't? If anything, trying to avoid their feelings was just making the disturbance in their relationship all the more obvious. To them, to the marauders, and now to Lily.

 

“If we don't figure this out soon, all of Hogwarts will have us figured out ages before we ever figure out ourselves.” Remus said, tittering at the ridiculousness of his and Sirius's situation.

 

Sirius let out a small, muffled chuckle. A louder giggle came from Remus. Soon they were both laughing together, at themselves and at each other and at everything that had been troubling them for months. It was carefree, it was child-like, and it was way too loud for the hospital wing past midnight. Yet, here they were, laughing, bathed in candlelight and trying not to spill upset the entire teapot onto Remus's cot.

 

It felt good to laugh away the tangled ball of nerves that had been gathering in Sirius's stomach every time his eyes caught Remus's. In the warmth of their laughter the knotted string melted away like candy floss. Sirius felt like he could go on laughing here forever, like maybe the reality of this moment would stop the sun from rising and all of eternity would just be Remus, Sirius, and honey-filled tea in the hospital wing.

 

They kept laughing, and then they kept talking. Until the tea was gone and the candle was burning low. The conversation didn't stray to the heavy topics; they didn't discuss how Sirius's hand found it's way to Remus's underneath the warm sheets, or how Remus would flinch when he accidentally strained his sore muscles from laughter. For now it was enough for Sirius to make Remus smile that honey-flavoured smile, and to know that even if they didn't have it all figured out tonight, there was no danger between them. This was them; even if it was uncertain, that didn't make this any less real.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is one of my first ever wolfstar fics that I've written, and the very first that I've posted anywhere. It took a long time for me to find my way into the characters, and I'm still in the process of trying them on, but hopefully I've done them justice. If you have anything to say I would love to hear about it in the comments, every little bit helps! 
> 
> Thanks again for taking the time to read my fic!


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